Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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