When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize