next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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