come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
