I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize