Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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