Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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