Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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