You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
