my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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