Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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