...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
