Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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