I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
