She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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