you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
