Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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