Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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