You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
