apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
whose ass print is on the piano?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize