I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
