did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize