We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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