Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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