Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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