I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
