how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
