Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
