Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize