I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
