My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize