By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
