found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
