The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
