Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
