My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
