I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
