I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
