oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
