i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
