the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
