When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
