We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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