is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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