I think im going to throw up on grandma
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Semen is not good for contacts.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
