1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
