Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
