We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize