Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
