She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
