Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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