i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
