If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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