actually, I'm a sock model
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize