I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
