Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize