so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
