I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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