I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
