that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
